Hello Deekshaey, this is my first question to you. How do you get over hatred? How do you bridge gaps in a family that has been torn through hatred over the generations. How can you say sorry to someone who has died. How do you tell someone you loved them very much, now they are no more. I have a family which has been torn apart by fued, and I am the 5th generation facing the consequences. I want this to stop, and I want my children to be the future of peace. I worry that these feelings of hatred are so deep rooted within that I will not be able to change. I worry I will pass on this poisonous heritage to my little ones. Can you tell me how to deal with feelings of self loathing and self hatred? Thank you very much. Yours, Chidiya.
Answered By: Deeksha Gyan
Posted On: 07 Feb, 2012
Dear Chidiya, A big hug to you.First thing I want you to know that your asking this question, reaffirms the fact that you have so much love rooted deep inside you. You are just not able to elevate it to the surface for you are dwelling in past.You may have various reasons,family or otherwise that bother you and lead you to a detrimental emotion of hate for self. First thing you need to do is forgive yourself for not being able to do something that YOU COULD HAVE in the past. Make a promise to self that you are going to compensate for it through an alternative action that could bring peace to you. Any smallest step,initiative,effort towards undoing the damage will bring the intensity of self hatred down by a degree. That action could be , picking up the phone and calling that family person with whom you always wanted to talk and bridge the gap but could not muster that courage. One deliberate push accompanied with a strong will is enough to take that first tiny step. And believe you me, human heart is still counted as the grandest example of acceptance in the history of mankind.FAMILY when we call it, can never ignore a call for love.If you really MEAN to say sorry to someone who is not physically present anymore, say it to God ( spiritual power/almighty) through your own self. Ask for pardon and tell God that you are ready to pull things together to make up for what went wrong. To ward off the feelings of self loathing, ward of anything and everything that displays the slightest hint of negativity. Bring out your talent , whatever it may be, create and appreciate yourself for your creations.Applaud your effort every day. Share it with friends to let them appreciate you too , that will re-instil your faith in self. But make sure , it should not carry any destructive emotions. Wear bright colors to feel happy and light. Groom yourself to, spend time for relaxation and recreation. Watch positive cinema and read positive literature. Initially , it may be a bit hard on you, but make sure you discipline yourself in such a fashion that gradually you succeed to make it a habit. Your children will be what you make them. But before that you will have to make yourself , TRANSFORM YOURSELF INTO A NEW YOU. Bubbling with spirit and dazzling with love and positiveness. And you are not too far from that. Give yourself one hard push NOW..!!!